My Relationship With Food, Therapy, and How I Lost Weight

I'm going to start by saying, these are things that worked for ME and I'm merely sharing them to help! I am in no way a doctor or a professional or a therapist... yada yada yada.


So, it's 5:59 on a Sunday.. and I've actually been attempting to write this blog for a couple hours now. Not because I was scared, or didn't want to... well, maybe a little bit. This is just a topic that is awkward and vulnerable for me to discuss, but at the same time, really important to talk about and share with you.

Alright, let's talk about weight loss, shall we? I see more damn commercials, advertisements, supplements, blogs, magazines, tea's, YouTube videos, Instagram accounts, etc, etc, promoting weight loss. And, for 23 years of my life... (well not the entire 23, I probably didn't think about weight loss while I was pooping in my diapers), but for maybe 10 or 11 years of my life, I was consumed with wanting to lose weight. I carried this obsession with me throughout middle school, high school, and college. I would attempt new diets, only to binge eat late at night. Most of my binge eating came from boredom, procrastination, and restriction. I would procrastinate assignments by driving to Rite Aid and buying the largest bag of M&M's I could find. Then I would come home, eat until I was sick, and then start my assignment at midnight. I constantly compared myself to girls with thinner frames and wished I had the discipline to eat perfectly.

When I moved to Los Angeles this past year to pursue acting, I knew that my weight would be a hindrance on my career. Not necessarily to others, but because of how I felt about it. Every morning I would wake up and think, "today is the day I am going to be perfect!" That was usually followed by a mediocre gym session, with mediocre eating habits, then mediocre sleep patterns, and finally late night eating. I was going fucking insane.

Some time back in January I realized that nothing was ever going to change on the outside until I dealt with the inside. I reached out to a therapist who specializes in intuitive eating and nervously made my first appointment. I ended up working with Elyse Resch for over 3 months, learning about intuitive eating. I learned to eat without restriction and allow my body to tell me what it needs. To some, intuitive eating may seem obvious! When you're hungry, go eat! When you want a cookie, eat it! When you want a salad, eat it! But to someone like myself, every waking moment my brain was consumed with what I "should" and "shouldn't" eat. Nothing was easy. I made notes in my phone when I felt sick to my stomach from eating so much food late at night, to remind myself how gross and disgusting I felt -- in hopes it would prevent another late night episode. I would go to the grocery store and buy $60 worth of fruit and vegetables to juice for the week -- which only lasted for half a day and I would find myself stuffing my face with something else. I googled "Celebrity Diets" on a weekly basis because there must have been soooomething I was missing right? Like there has to be some crazy trick to lose weight. Well, let me just tell you folks, a healthy mind can change a whole freakin' lot. I can honestly say seeing her changed my relationship with food forever.

// Check out her book ! // (This is not sponsored lol)

After meeting with Elyse, I felt really ready to make some changes. I took the plunge and signed up for personal training at my gym. I have a hard time spending lump sums of money at once (probs the Jew in me) but I felt like this might be just the thing I needed.

I was paired up with my trainer Josh, (Shoutout! Love you!) and told him I was pretty much terrified and worried I'd be a big baby. We had lots of communication about what I wanted, what he expected, and everything in between. The minute we started working together, I felt so much stronger -- mentally and physically. Sounds so cheesy, but I think that was one of the biggest changes i've made in my life.

He taught me workouts I NEVER would have thought to do... (common ladies, you know we're all scared of that weight room!) I told him I basically wanted to be Nina Agdal (Victorias Secret Model and total babe), to which he laughed, and said -- "It's not impossible!" Well, yes it is Josh, but thank you for pretending. If you need that extra push and find yourself lacking a bit of motivation, personal training is life changing. We've been working together now for a little over 7 weeks and we're still goin' strong!

For those of you not looking to drop tons of mulah on personal training, keep reading // 

Around the same time, I reached out to my favorite blogger, Lauryn Evarts, who runs the cutest freakin' blog in the world, " The Skinny Confidential ". Let me just tell you i've followed this girl for over a year, via Instagram, Snapchat, Blog, YouTube (yes i'm basically a stalker). Anyway, I had some fitness and blogging questions for Lauryn, and seeing how busy she is, I figured I'd never hear back....she responded to me within 48 hours!

She told me about her Bombshell Body Guide which provided 28 weeks of workouts and nutrition plans and I was sold. I cannot tell you how easy to follow her guide is. Each week has different workouts you can do which helped me a lot when I wasn't working with a trainer. The thing I liked best about her plan was the nutrition guide. My issue with a lot of nutrition plans, is that they seem to involve eating baked chicken breast out of tupperware 5 days a week. Nope, no thanks, see yaa.

Lauryn's guide had easy-ass instructions for the non cooker like myself -- most of which involve hardly any cooking! She's all about natural ingredients, different seeds, spices, etc. Also, Lauryn's Body Guide costs about the same amount as ONE personal training session! 28 Weeks for the price of ONE DAY.... uhhh yea i'm down.

You can grab Lauryn's plan HERE !!! : )

Here's a couple snaps of what her stuff looks like //

I'm definitely not "done" with my journey, but I'm so happy at how far i've come, mentally and physically. In just 2 months i've lost 6 pounds of body fat (roughly a pound a week). Lost 3 inches on my waist, and gained half an inch on my butt ; )

Do you spy Linus?? :)

If you liked this blog, feel free to reach out! Love talking about it with you guys.

// YouTube video coming soon! //

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