7/23/14

The Dating Game

I have been watching so much of "The Hills", it's actually kind of ridiculous. I WANT HEIDI TO MYSELF. Who remembers?? This show was literally so brilliant before it got too fake. Lauren was already melodramatic every day when she would walk into Teen Vogue with half a voice because she had been out partying the night before and would say something like, "I am a stronger person ...and I don't need to go back" or some bullshit, you know what I'm talking about!?

Ok, so the other night my roommate and I went to a 5$ comedy show at UCB, which was HILARIOUS. They had pretty famous comedians perform and I was literally, ROTFLMAO, except... not literally. I was however LMAO'ing so, you know, it was some good shit. Then, they had the audience participate in the, "dating game" where they pick three lucky bachelors out of the audience, to win the chance to date a not so lucky female audience member.... (ME!) Can you fucking believe it? I was chosen to be the girl who stands up on stage in front of 150+ people and basically find some love. Did my mom put you up to this??? Ok, maybe I raised my hand... but that is beside the point. It was actually pretty fun once I got over the whole, "this is sooooo awkward" thing.

Each bachelor was ..... for lack of a better word...... an idiot.

Except, one was hot and the host kept calling him TATUM ----- like Channing ---- remember from that movie----- where he takes his shirt off----the stripper--- --- yeah you get it.

There was also quite the little nerdy bachelor who was a musical theater major at Syracuse, who just so happened to say his fave musical was Seussical the Musical...

WHICH I WAS IN !

Done.
Case closed.
You win.

The 3rd bachelor was a weed dealer with cooler hair than me... so that wouldn't have gone too far.

Guess I should delete my Tinder profile..
Dating in LA is awesome... said no one ever.

Wish me luck!
xox

7/18/14

Big men, Little Dogs... and my 2 cents on the Bach.

What is it with large tatoo'd men and little furry dogs? I don't hate it.. i'm just asking..

I have finally discovered Runyon Canyon, which is essentially nature in the middle of the hustle & the bustle that is Los Angeles. It's literally the trendy place to go workout (aka walk your little dog -- if you're a buff handsome shirtless man.... or walk your little dog if you're a skinny pop-tart wearing a tube top while on your phone). I fit into the, "not walking a dog, pale girl sweating, no makeup, frizzy fro" category...so you know.. that's cool.

OK so i've offishh had my first celebrity sighting. As I turned left onto Melrose, there was Aaron Samuels, (aka Jonathan Bennett... but yeah, like any of you even knew that...) sitting at a stoplight, windows down in his black Range Rover (duh). Mom saw my Facebook status and immediately had to dream kill...

I mean, come on!

So has anyone been watching the bachelor? Me neither....
Mainly because I have no cable... thank God for Youtube.

You know what makes me feel so uncomfortable about hometown dates... is when you meet the families, and they look exactly like their female siblings and the whole time i'm just like...you're a weird female version of Nick. I mean... I could NOT fantasy suite up with him after meeting the fams! But let's be real... I could never fantasy suite it up with Nick ever... like ever.

When Chris's mom tells Andi that she's got, "gumption", did anyone else wonder what the fuck gumption is? But who really cares...cause Chris is beautiful... and will one day be my husband.

I could be a farmer...? Well, according to the latest email from my aunt I could be...



My family has high hopes for me...


Well i'm officially at job interview number 1,000 and i'm dreading the moment of my next one because that means putting a bra back on...

Ta Ta for now!

7/14/14

Sleeping really really naked.

It's hot.

You know when you're semi delusional and you keep repeating, "I'm haaat" without even realize that you've said it out loud nine times. I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and stumbled about until I finally just took my clothes off and curled up with my TJ max faux- fur blanket. Talk about a visual.

You're welcome.

What's new with me you ask? Well let's see here. I joined a gym! Heyy--oooh! Now, if you're thinking, "wow, I bet people in LA gyms are really good looking...I'd feel uncomfortable in front of everyone", you are sooo....accurate. Everyone, like I mentioned previously, is pretty babe-tastic. Hard to tell if they're gay or not though in this part of town. You'd think that the straight ones would most likely approach you or give you that ,"Hey.. i'm hot.. you're hot lets talk over by the free weights rack" look... but frankly, even the straight ones know they are too hot to even give you that "look". Everyone in LA is in, "the indsutry" in some way or another...so another winning moment was getting a discount for being an "actor". Crunch Fitness doesn't need to know that my shining moment was, "Moving Chair" in Beauty and the Beast....k?

Ok, so on the... "Everyone in LA drives a nice car" note... I would just like to point out that at not one, not two, but THREE intersections in which I was stopped, THREE different people were picking their noses in THREE "nice-ass" cars. Yo windows aint that tinted...

I recently pulled an L 7 weenie move and saw, "Fault In Our Stars" alone. When purchasing my ticket, the cashier asked, "Just one....?"

....yes....whore.

Great film!

On the upside, I was asked by a large Brazilian man, while I was leaving the theater, If I, "knew of any good juicing places around here" because I seem like I would know..he says. Then he creepily lingered around me until I said....ok I have a meeting to get to none for Gretchen Wieners bye. LA pick up lines 101.

Ok but in honestly, really really really good news, I am happy to announce via blog that I have been signed to an agency for commercial & theatrical  : ) I know that is neither funny, nor "ha, Madeleine, you're lame" but I'm excited, and happy and optimistic that this move to LaLa land is all good! Even though the American Girl Doll Cafe doesn't want to hire me...

it's cool.

Peace, Love, & Pinkberry, xo

Madeleine


7/7/14

I'm in LA biatches...

Greetings my lovers. I've been on a small Hi- ate-us? Hi 8 us? Hiatus!... Thanks Google. Have you missed me? I know my dad has..

I am officially living in LA, which is effing weird. I'm not used to the fact that everyone is good looking (or thinks they are) and drives a nice-ass car. Yeah, not just a nice car, but a "nice-ass" car.. there's a difference. I have been in my apartment for approx 3 days and i'm not feeling quite settled yet. This could be because I kill about one cockroach a day...or because my toilet flushes every 3 minutes... or because my parking spot is harder to get into than the White House. Whatever... I'm optimistic. The job hunt begins today and will carry on throughout the week.

Lately my life includes, "Hi, how are you doing today? By any chance, are you guys hiring? Oh... oh ok... oh I need a picture? Oh ok... Oh come back on Wednesday? Oh ok... grow 3 inches....oh ok? Lose 10 pounds? Oh ok....."

Ok so the latter might not have been said exactly but I can read between the lines, k Whitney? Or Chandra? Or whatever your name was.

On another note, my apartment doesn't have internet so I have sat myself at a seemingly normal coffee shop... except this chick just walked in with cat ears on and 7 inch platforms... but I pass no judgement.

So my apartment is fucking hot btw, like I sweat every fucking second, and fall asleep every fucking night to the only movie that is on my iTunes, (He's Just Not That Into You).... I can re enact every scene if you want? No? Ok..

I am also scared of my shower.

Just overheard that "cat ears" is shooting a music video later and that she is on her lunch break.... I revoke judgement on you cat ears... actually I think they're mouse ears?

The highlight of my week thus far is getting a manicure/pedicure down the street from my apartment and receiving a free boba smoothie during the neck massage .... winning!

If you don't hear from me soon..... send for help....

Also, send food. But it has to be kale....or vegan.... or air.