3/30/14

Hey Ya'lllll it's been a while...

So I'll start out by saying that you should never drive and lick the remains of melted chocolate out of a Luna bar...because chances are it will impair your driving. Just saying. I was just in such a rush because well, everyone....I got another j-o-b! Step aside Target aisles, I am doing something else with my time! Well, part-time. It's at a gym.. now I can visualize my best bod with real life inspiration...and stare at men all day. Not weird.

Aside from that, my acting class has become my favorite thing about my week. I really feel like I am growing as an actor and can't wait to take on LA. I called my dad the other night and told him about what my teacher thought I should start looking into. I told him that the teacher thought I should start looking for darker, more mysterious, even, "bitchy", characters. The next morning I wake up to this email from pops.


Don't you guys all get emails like this?
He then sent a follow up email explaining that I am funny..

... and that he doesn't want my image to be the only thing getting me into roles. And it's like..."I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me.... but I can't help it that i'm popular". (Or look like a vampire). Don't worry dad, I'm sure my really weird, awkward, sense of humor will get me cast in a funny role, or a Disney show, sooner or later.

Sooo ya'll... be on the lookout for lil' ol' me..taking on Los Angeles in July. If you have friends, family, possible job openings or sugar daddies in that area, let me know! No... i'm totally kidding...... (I don't need to know your family). Wish me luck & lots of leg breakings.

3/20/14

"No money, no family, 16 in the middle of Miami"

You know when a random human says hello to you, and you seem surprised, but happily say hello back... and then they look at you extremely confused because they are on the phone and definitely weren't talking to you. Cause....that's cool. You weren't hot anyway.

The moral of the story is that I went to the gym today.

Has anyone watched Rich Kids of Beverly Hills? No? Just me? Well, it's actually fucking hilarious. I know the name of the show makes it sound stupid and totally a waste of time, and I mean, it definitely is.. BUT i have a new girl crush and her name is, Morgan Stewart. She has a blog called, "Boobs & Loubs". Not Loobs like sex loobs, but LOUBS like Louboutins. I actually had to Google how to spell, "Louboutin", and it still looks like it's spelled wrong, and Louboutins are shoes (if you're a male reading....aka only my dad).

Everyone needs to watch this show, unless you are too stuck up or stuffy or think your IQ may drop. My favorite scene was Morgan describing her day. She said that she wakes up, eats cottage cheese with 6 nectarines, drinks 2 waters, doesn't leave her house until she sh@#s, and if she doesn't sh@#, she does not leave. Then she goes to spin around noon, drives around aimlessly, and pops in and out of stores...

OMG I LOVE HER

I actually recently just got a second job for myself, because I really couldn't justify my other "second job" anymore, (going to Target 3 times a day). Is it just me or is Target like really fucking calming? I need a life...


3/18/14

My weekend home & my general feelings about almonds.

Literally, fuck almonds. I'm fairly certain that I am allergic, and yet they sneak into these foods that I eat, and my cheeks get all red and I CLAW at them. Like, chocolate almond butter...who would have thought. Jk, I know, I'm an idiot. I guess that's mostly my bad, but that damn stuff was so good...I almost felt bad throwing it away, well mainly because it was eleven dollars. Remind me why I spent eleven dollars on almond butter again. I am currently in bed, attempting to soothe my heartburn (another fun side effect of eleven dollar almond chocolate crack butter), watching Disney channel. I'm so confused by these shows though. The actors are like, five years old! Remember when you'd turn on Disney channel and Brenda Song was in like every movie...remember, "The Ultimate Christmas Present"?! ...with the weather machine. Or remember when Lindsay Lohan was on Disney?! "Get a Clue"... actually Brenda song was in that shit too... she was obviously the token Disney Asian best friend. She's probably so rich now.

So I had a lovely weekend back in the Bay Area visiting mom, dad, friends, the old stomping grounds, etc. My Persian bestie and I went out in San Fran Friday night...which literally turned into getting wasted and taking "Lyft" everywhere, which ended up being the most fun part of the night... (thank you Geoff for the miniature leprechaun hats and the granola bars...there are still two in my purse). The next morning I grabbed brunch with the girls followed up with mani/ pedi's. (I will just say that I am not usually someone who gets mani/pedi's because I can't sit still for that long without use of my hands, u know??). Funny enough, I was totally down to get one, and yet, when it came down to it, I literally was too tired to SIT through getting my nails done. What is it about brunch that makes me so mo-fucking exhausted?

Thank God for my mom who had my room and bed all made up when I got home. She's so sweet. She even provided me great reading material if I had trouble sleeping:


"Lack of Career Focus" was my personal fave.

3/11/14

When your mom likes Juan Pablo... and you don't...

I sat through the entire Bachelor finale feeling the same way that I feel when I see people from Tinder out in public......really fucking AWKWARD. Omg, I literally don't understand what just happened. JP is "really happy he didn't pick Clare" because HE was the huge douche?? I don't think he realized that Clare was in his TOP TWO!!! I honestly think he blacked out somewhere through the season, I know I did. I just felt like a cheap hooker and he tossed me (Clare) to the wayside! Don't worry Clare, at least he loved F***ING you! Like, what was that?! I feel like I'm watching another season of Flavor of Love or some shit. Our TV decided to stop recording RIGHT as Nikki was told that she is liked, "a lot a lot a lot" and I didn't get to see Nikki's monumental reaction. I would assume there was some lip quivering and perspiring. Can someone please fill me in on what happened there?? I also missed the first ten minutes of the after show. I am almost embarrassed that I care so much...

On another note, I am literally speechless about how JP kept dissing Chris Harrison!! Like you just don't DO that to Chris Harrison!! Now you're NOT allowed to wear gold hoop earrings, JP! That's just like, the rules of feminism! JP really needed his time to explain to viewers that he is honest and that it is what it is and that he signed up for the bachelor to be private and he is honest and just wants to live an honest private life and ride off into the sunset with Nikki for like a month or a week, and eat a hamburger with her and just be real.

The only real exciting realization I had while watching the show, was that Sean Lowe is hunky and him and Catherine are really fuckin' cute. 

But don't worry JP, we're totally rooting for you........
.. at least my mom is.


OH, and good news... I'm funny.


Besitos.

3/10/14

Get Hot & Skinny in 7 days!!!

No, I'm totally kidding. But I will show you how to make a bad-ass bowl of oatmeal. I thought i'd intermix my posts about my weird life, with some mini recipes & other casual things that other bloggers do. Why stand out when you can fit in...? JK, but I'm new to the blogging world, and someone wise once told me, "Do what you know", and I guess, I know oatmeal... is that weird?

I'm not kidding when I say that i've eaten oatmeal every morning for the past four months. Ok maybe i've had a couple donuts here and there, but for the majority, oatmeal is my bitch.

My dad used to tell me that oatmeal is one of the only things that contains "soluble fiber". I use air quotes because you have no idea how many times my dad drilled in my brain the phrase, "soluble fiber". It was like one of those things where I didn't know what it really meant or was, but I just knew that oatmeal contained fucking, "soluble fiber". So today, I googled...

Soluble fiber is what keeps you feeling fuller longer! Other benefits include:
a) Weight control
b) Helps to stabilize blood sugar levels
c) Helps to lower LDL (bad) cholesterol


Walnuts, Peanut Butter, Cinnamon, Stevia, Strawberries, and Oatmeal: Trader Joe's
Pomegranate Seeds: Target






Sometimes I like to get weird with my oatmeal and throw a TON of shiz on it. Peanut butter is great for taste and adds about 8 grams of protein per serving! Cinnamon boosts metabolism, and pomegranate seeds just taste AMAZING. If i'm cutting down on sugar, I'll use Stevia instead of brown sugar, it adds some sweetness without the cals!

Dee ba da dee ba da deee that's all folks!
<3

3/7/14

Photo shoot, Champagne, and Girl Time... (Pillow fight sold separately)

Let's be real...no one's gonna read my chatter when there are pictures involved, so I'll make it short. A couple of my fave ladies and I got together yesterday to shoot some head shots, which turned into tipsy, fun, bad-ass pictures. ENJOY! (Pics of Gabby not included..yet!)









And a couple behind the scenes





hey, you come here often?



I'm also really into this song right now....(It def pumped us up for our photo shoot  dance party), AND the video is Clueless themed! 


3/5/14

Being Lazy, The Oscars, and other shiz.

You know those people who say, "I really hate lazy people..."? Well, i've come to realize.... I'm so fucking lazy. Now, it's not like i'm revealing anything profound...definitely not to my parents. But seriously, it's becoming a problem in my life. Only took me 22 years to admit this.

Exhibit A: My sheets ripped last week... like literally out of nowhere, ripped in half... and each night ripped more, to where I'd wake up in the morning with one foot lost in that fucking sheet cave. Finally I took the sheets off and threw them out...(well not until wrapping them around my neck and pretending they were an infinity scarf...). So now I have been sheet- less for 3 days and have made zero mental attempt to put new sheets back on.

Exhibit B: I still haven't done my laundry.

Did anyone watch the Oscars the other night? I DID! Well, I fast forwarded every speech and presenter and most things, BUT, Ellen was outstanding. I loved watching which stars refused the pizza, Leo Dicaprio was like eh, no.. I'm too good for pizza. Brad, such a doll passing out the plates, and J - Law was basically done with her piece before cameras had a chance to pan to her. Who was that pizza delivery guy? I feel like I've seen him before...maybe a Dominos commercial? IDunno...All I know is that I literally LOL'd when Ellen selfied onstage and hashtagged, "blessed". On another really important note, who the shit let Danny Zucko introduce Idina Menzel!? Summer lovin' must have had you a blast because I'm pretty sure you referred to her as, "Boomshika Glowzel"... or something equally unrecognizable. Did he get a face lift?

So ok, back to being lazy.. I DID go to the gym on Monday morning! That's always a feeling of accomplishment, you know? Literally walked in the cardio area and it smelled like the bamboo reeds I used for my clarinet in 6th grade. Does anyone know what I'm talking about??? No? Ok yeah me neither. But, I was fucking proud of myself. I also went to bed early last night which was another big accomplishment, because if you know me, you know I'll stay up until 3am watching YouTube videos. Actually, I did fall asleep to a documentary on YouTube about a beauty pageant in Venezuela. I....don't....know...why.

In other news, I may or may not have pulled up the match.com website... just to, you know, like...get my mom off my back. I also may have been tipsy and found myself exploring.


A) I don't live in Santa Monica
B) Don't drink & wink



HAPPY HUMP DA-EEEE


3/2/14

Drink wine, Sing Naked?




Enjoy part of a song I did with my friend and fellow musician, Phil Salucci. Comment & share! Your support means the world : )


Happy Monday!

Warning: I say, "Bitch" a lot today...

I'm getting another zit. I think that's God's way of telling me to stop eating chocolate...or at least not eat 3 chocolate eggs in a row.. not like I just did that. Actually I was just being a smart shopper because it was 4 for $3... so there is still another egg staring at me from across the room. We have it so hard as women. We worry about things like, "How can I pull off wearing jeans that make me look like an elephant, and still look hot"? Like, literally all I wan't in life sometimes is to be able to pull off "comf. cute", you know?! Side note, my roommate is in a bad mood because she's, "never been so frustrated with a puzzle". I hope I'm this fun when i'm 29.

So today the girls and I went to The Wine Shed to get our casual afternoon buzz on (really it was for a birthday but I like sounding like we're so rich and bored we have nothing to do but get drunk in the afternoon), and theres this group of like 7 women screaming and hollering for a bachelorette party. So ok, long story short, this one chick (who has bangs) just saying... walked over and was all like, "OMG we're doing this scavenger hunt bitchessss and you need to fucking help us". After her standing there for like 5 minutes talking about herself, and being a huge bitch, decides she's thirsty and takes a fucking sip of my wine. Like she reached over... and took a fat sip of my wine... I literally felt like I was in "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" and Christy Masters takes my fucking hamburger...like what was that? Whatever, I got over it, because...well...she has bangs.

On another note, Dad is scared of me now:



[ lol ]

Well, it's raining, and I got called off work. I should probably shower and do laundry. You know you need to do laundry when your roommate asks when the last time you did laundry was... Don't judge me.